Metamorphasis

Being a mom of three children I think you notice a lot of things at different stages for each kid, especially when all of your children are the same gender, its easy to compare.  The change from being a toddler to a boy is a traumatic one for Mom, but for the boys, I think its one they are so proud of.  It means big time independence, freedom to run through the neighborhood, riding a bike with no training wheels, going golfing with Dad, booster seats instead of car seats, scrapping the toddler bed and so much more. 

With Tommy I missed it.  He went from being a toddler to a boy over a short time span...during his transition I had a baby who was less than one year old and was pregnant with another child.  I seemingly woke up to find a big boy who took the place of my baby.  The moment Tommy became the oldest sibling he became a big helper to me, he had a sense of authority and loved it.  So I viewed him differently.  This is a role he embraces and enjoys, he genuinely likes being the oldest.   But I missed it!  Terrible, I know, but this blog is not called "How to be Mother of the year/decade/century"!

With Caleb I think I missed it too. Heartbreaking... He went from being a toddler getting into everything into a big boy, but on his own terms.  Caleb is the most independent of my children, if I was a betting man, I would venture to say he will be the epitome of a self made man.  He just likes to do it on his own, figure it out by himself.  So when he woke up one morning and I noticed he was a boy and not my baby it really shocked me.  I remember saying to Tom "where did our baby go?" 

With Luke I watched for it...and recently it happened.  You know what I am talking about.  They literally morph right in front of you, they go from that round baby face, round belly, clumsy, stalky state to a lean, tall, thinned out face, confident demeanor, that practically brings you to tears.  Or at least it does for me. 


Here is a pic of Luke in 2009 age 3...
Here is a pic of Luke on his 5th Birthday....

Here he is today 5 years 8months and 10days...


Despite his messy shirt from his yogurt, and his lacking smile because I made him take a picture for my blog :), Do you see it??  He is SO different!  And in just a little over 3 weeks he is going to be a kindergartner!  How on earth did this happen??  He went from being my dark haired blue eyed baby to my handsome little man.  And I understand that I can't do much but embrace it...but I am struggling.  I don't know if its because the reality of it is just around the corner.  Or that he was at his first ever sleep over and didn't need me to come get him in the middle of the night like I anticipated.  Maybe its that he is so excited for kindergarten that he asks every morning if today is the "big day".

I just want to push pause, drink it all in, take lots of mental and regular photos.  Remember what it like to have someone who is not embarrassed to kiss me in front of his friends, hold my hand in public, someone who thinks my lap is the best seat in the whole joint, that my kisses can fix anything, that the band aids in my bathroom closet are better than any trip to the doctor, that my very fancy meals (yeah, right) are better than any resturaunt, and who tells me that I am the "best most beautiful mommy."  These days are numbered...heartbreaking.  Its so bittersweet...maybe it was better when I missed it...ripping off the band aid vs peeling it off slowly. 

Yes yes I know there are bonuses...bonuses like no more daycare costs, independence, transitioning to a new style of parenting...but right now those are the only bonuses I want to recognize...I am having a bit of a mommy pity party...its my party, I can cry if I want to.