Mediocrity

Are we raising children in our society that will cure cancer?  Maybe children that will be able to find the next energy source?  Children that will be the next president??

Or are we raising middle of the road regular people? 

First of all let me say that there is 100% NOTHING wrong with being a middle of the road regular person. If that's what you want to be.

BUT I am a believer in the idea that there is SO much more to life than just being average.  I think people are happiest when they are pushed to do things they didn't even know they could do.  That when we put in the time and effort to accomplish goals or difficult tasks, we have a certain special self pride. 

Goal setting is important.  If you say your going to do something and then you don't do it, it doesn't feel good.  We are trying really hard to hold our kids to their commitments to see what its like to set a goal and accomplish it, even when its hard, even when you think you don't want to.  This has been an awesome experience for Tommy.  He is the only one who is old enough to have set a big goal and accomplish it so far.  The past two years he has committed to shooting 100 pucks a day for the 100 days of summer and therefore shooting 10,000 pucks.  There were A LOT of days where he skipped and  A LOT of days he had to do more than 100 pucks and A LOT of days he second guessed himself.  We were always willingly let him off the hook, but he was bound by his commitment in his mind and always found a way to get it done even when it was hard.  He has enjoyed the weight of the accomplishment and what it has meant for his game. 

Our kids go to a school where they are rewarded for "getting caught doing something good"  Now I like the idea of this.  But unfortunately it is not for when a kid goes above and beyond, its for the everyday norm.  Caleb got a reward for walking nicely in line.  Luke got one for helping a friend put his backpack away.  I have also been told that some of our kids have gotten candy for turning in assignments and homework.  I know I am going to ruffle some feathers but I am NOT ok with that!!

Let me just say that I recognize that this is not the fault of the school.  I understand why they implement programs to reward kids.  If you reward good behavior it breeds more good behavior!  Unfortunately not enough parents teach kids to listen to the teacher, to be respectful, to be kind to others.  So the schools are having to come up with plans on how to teach what should be taught in homes.  (And we wonder why our schools aren't measuring up. But that's a whole different days subject)

I am worried that if we continue to reward our kids for doing things they SHOULD be doing we are creating "regular people".  A society where just getting by is good enough.   I never got candy for turning in my homework! Or rewarded for walking in the hallway nicely.  Or for helping a friend.   I just knew I should turn it in, walk nicely, or suffer the consequences.  I helped friends, well, because they are my friends and my parents taught me to treat people well.

Consequences are frowned upon or feared, I am not sure which, maybe both.  But in my opinion consequences teach people boundaries.  Boundaries are important.  Think about a relationship you have that lacks boundaries and I am sure its not your favorite relationship.  If we reward a child for doing what he is suppose to do, instead of going above and beyond.  You will breed entitlement.  If Luke's walking nicely in the hall and gets a reward, well that's not fair because Sally was walking nice so she deserves one too.  Really deserves one for doing what they are suppose to?!  In fact we were at Luke's 'Kindergarten Round Up' and a mom very innocently said.  "My daughter is very upset because she hasn't gotten a reward yet!  What does it take to get one?"  I think we are missing the point.  What she was saying is my daughters good and wants to be rewarded too.  Entitlement.  Yikes.

EXCELLENCE should be rewarded!  Mediocrity should not!

The other day Caleb had a friend over.  I was on the elliptical in the basement listening to them play.  The friend was sad because Caleb was winning at the games they were playing.  Caleb tried to teach him to play a game that the friend had never played before.  He explained with some practice that he would get better.  The friend wanted to play something different.  Which is totally ok.  He was not whining or complaining just wanted to play something else.  I did hear Caleb say while they were playing, things like "how about if we pretend you win" or "how about if you start with a score of 6 and I start with 0"  Later after the friend left I told Caleb it was ok to be good at a game and win.   He said "I just don't want him to be sad"  I told him "do you think the teams who beat the Twins or Vikings worry about the Twins and Vikings feelings?!"  I could not believe the next words came out of my mouth or that they even had to be said, but I said..."its ok to be the best, its ok to win!"  REALLY?!

I am a BIG believer in the idea that we all have gifts.  God given gifts that come in different sizes, packages, etc. Sometimes we don't know what those gifts are until we get older sometimes we know them our whole life.  But we are all here for a reason, to contribute.  I want my kids to work hard, to be the best when they can, and if they can't to know that they tried their best.  To use their gifts to better themselves and others.  I don't want them to worry about everyone's feelings or apologize for excelling.  I want them to set goals accomplish them and be proud, but humble.  

So my advice to my boys and to anyone else that wants to hear it....Don't miss the boat or allow your children to miss it because they are afraid to be the best or win at something because of someone's feelings!  Life is not fair, its hard and its not always butterflies and gumdrops.  So learn how to fail gracefully and don't be afraid to get up and try again!  If you leave every task knowing you gave 110% you can leave it with your head held high.  But always remember to display grace and humility.  Life is tightrope...remember BALANCE :)

OH LUKEY!

Dear Luke,

Now that you are a kindergartner you are getting more adventuress!  Here are some examples of what I mean.

The other day you were told you had to a raw vegetable with your pizza.  You were given the choice of cauliflower or cucumber, you chose cucumber, it was two whole slices,  you thought you might die.  You gingerly ate the first slice along with your pizza.  When it came time for the second slice you decided you just could not do it.  Which put me in a tough position.  You see your brothers ate their choices quickly and then finished their pizza.  It would just not be fair for me to let you off the hook.  You said, but mom its disgusting.  I insisted.  So Dad offered you dipping sauce... again a challenge because you are my kid who doesn't like to dip, NOT ketchup, NOT ranch, and definitely NOT barbeque sauce.  So you chose syrup....yep maple syrup.  That last slice was gone in no time flat!  All I could think was I am glad its done, but man that is "disgusting".

You also have earned yourself two REBEL REWARDS so far this year.  Those are tickets for being caught doing something good.  Good Job LUKE!  But you also earned yourself a green slip.  You called me promptly when you got home to explain that you had not been listening at rest time and that you got in trouble with the teacher, you then proceeded to inform me "But its okay Mom because I am so over it"  IF only it were that easy buddy.  When I wouldn't let you play outside with your best friend Brevin later in the day you repeatedly shouted..."BUT MOM I AM OVER IT"

You recently announced that you wanted to be a police officer.  Dad and I asked you to maybe choose a profession that was a little safer.  Afterall you are our baby!  You shouted "ok then I will be a racecar driver!"  LOL

Recently we had a situation where we had to choose whether or not to cheer for the Bison or the Gophers...every Sioux fan's nightmare.  When I explained that it made me a little sick to my stomach to choose between them and asked you who you would be cheering for you said "I don't know mom I am too obnoxious"  I later realized that you have a little trouble with the word nauseous and it often sounds like obnoxious :)  Never a dull moment bud!

Here's looking forward to more funny moments with you.

Love you!
MOM :)