Opinions are like buttholes...everyones got one

SO ....today I am annoyed...so my lesson for you today, my boys, is learning to let it roll.  There will always be someone who knows more than you, has an opinion for how and why you should do things.  Who wants to tell you how you should run your life.  Sometimes these opinions come from a place of love, sometimes they come from a place of wanting to be "RIGHT", and sometimes they are self serving, as in they are serving the person who is giving the advice.  How do you decipher when to listen, when to let it roll and so on...

First you take a nice deep breath...

Even when you feel like you want to do this

Its okay, everyone feels like this sometimes...the important thing is NOT acting on it :) 

You see those who are coming from a place of love, give their opinion because they genuinely love you and want whats best for you.  So look at who the advice is coming from...if its one of these two people you know for sure its all good....

Those people who want to be right and or self serving...look for these factors...does the advice serve them just as much as its going to serve you...or maybe even will it serve them more.  For example if you mention in passing that you would like to change a little something about your car that works perfectly well and your friend who sells cars says..."you know you wouldn't have that problem if you came in and bought one of my cars, they are the answer to all your issues"  This is a red flag warning...because the advice serves them way more then it serves you.  They aren't thinking about the cost, insurance or maintenance of the vehicle....but you will have to

Then there are those who just want to be right.  No matter what you do....they are right you are wrong.  You cannot make these people happy.  Because they are happy only when you are miserable.  They find joy in being the winner when you are the loser

Honestly these are people you need to remove from your life...people who no matter how fun they are...need to get the boot square to their pants

Figuratively not literally...I am not promoting or advocating for violence my loves. :)

Your Grandpa Wyatt has made the title of this blog famous.  And its one of my favorite sayings :) 

Please know that you are loved, that you are worthy of having your own life experiences, making your own mistakes, and yes suffering the consequences of these mistakes.  These are all very important life lessons.  Knowing all of these things will make it so much easier to let all that negativity roll...and living a life filled with challenges yes...but full of positive results.  When making decisions in life its a great idea to seek the advice of others,elders, mentors, parents.  To PRAY for direction.  And to not be too impulsive.  Although spontaneity can make life so exciting!  Its all about balance boys and when life has healthy balance...LIFE IS GOOD!

Love you guys to the moon and back!  Mom :)

How do you Celebrate Easter?

So for those of you who did not know I am a military brat.  My Dad served our country in the US Air Force for 22+ years and I always tell him one of the greatest gifts he gave me was the travel and the experience of other cultures.  I also grew up in a multicultural family...quite possibly more common than you may realize.  I think each family has its own "culture" and whenever you bring two histories together within a new family...its similar to a multicultural experience.  But I grew up in a typical, if you will, multicultural home.  My father is from Central Oregon (Bend/Redmond) area.  And my mother is from a province of the Philippines called Cebu. 

I was born in the Philippines and we then moved to Washington, Oregon, Kansas, and right before I began elementary school we moved to Guam.  We then moved back to the Philippines where we lived til I turned 13 and then we were ND bound.

Some of my most vivid memories of my childhood involved my time in the Philippines.  I already knew the Easter with church services, chocolate bunnies, and eggs, ham dinner, and family... my American Easter.  But I think it is no mistake that God placed me in the Philippines in that very important time in my life those preteen years.  That time of discovering who you are and what you believe.  In the Philippines, Easter is a tremendous experience and had a serious impact on who I am today. 

You see I believe Christianity is evident in Easter here in the States but its kind of buffered if you will with the politically correct commercialism of the holiday.  In fact my beautifully honest little Luke said to me when I asked him "why do we celebrate Easter"  ...  "You know Mom, cause Jesus died then he rose, it was a miracle...oh and cause the Easter bunny needs to bring me a treat"  Confused...poor kid.  When I tried to correct him...he says "but Mom the Easter Bunny is everywhere"...True buddy so true.

Back to the Philippines...I often think faith concepts in a third world countries are more extreme due to poverty and lack of education.  They put so much faith into things so much literal translation.  There is also a very large mystical factor.  In NO way am I saying there is some fault in this its just different.  Genuine belief, by that I mean they do not need a scientific explanation, proof.  The have faith so they believe.  They believe so they have faith.  Its simple, its beautiful.  Easter time in the Philippines involves a more of a Passion of the Christ kind of feel to it.  Men literally nail themselves to crosses and journey down main streets.  They wear crowns of thorns, jab there sides with spears...for shock value...NO.  Instead so that they can experience some of what their Savior did for them.  So they can get a small sense of what it was like for Him to give the ultimate sacrifice for us.  Fascinating. 

As a young girl...that was a tremendous concept.  A lot to think about.  It put a large desire in me to figure out what I believed and why.  A journey I will tell you about another time.

As a parent who does not have the opportunity to give my boys an on the spot cross cultural experience, I struggle with how to show them that there are more ways to view Easter than the way we see it here.  I envision us sitting together when they are all teenagers and watching the Passion of the Christ.  A movie that I think is an important thing for each of us to watch.  I also want us to enjoy the family ham dinner, chocolate treats, and worshiping together...oh and Grandma Aldersons chocolate bavarian cream pie....amazing!  All in moderation of course.  The balance of it all is key and I pray for balance in all aspects of our life.  I want them to have the experience of our traditional Easter but I never want them to miss the BIG picture of it all.  Oh balance how you elude me :)

So tell me how you Celebrate Easter...How do you explain the bunny?  In elementary school language please....I get the symbolism from an adult perspective.  I want to put it in kid termonlogy.  I would also love to hear about your traditions.... :)

Moving Forward...

So this is gonna get a little on the hard and emotional side so bare with me or don't read anymore if you don't deal with transparency well :)

I used to be a very thin person.  I graduated highschool at 98 lbs and when I put on my 'freshman 20' I was told I finally looked like a girl.  Haha.  I didnt have the greatest eating habits, proud member of the "clean plate" club and ALWAYS rewarded myself or comforted myself with food.  I come from a culture where we celebrate and drown our sorrows in some seriously delicious eats :)  And I definitley got the good cook gene from my Mom, if I do say so myself.  I love to feed others and myself....These parts of myself are parts I really like. I like that I am a great entertainer and cook, I love this gift from my family and my culture.  But when used without knowledge...it can be a recipe for disaster.

Before I had Tommy I was not overweight but not rail thin either.  The last 2 wks of my pregnancy I put on 20lbs of water and the week after I had him I lost 35lbs (yes in a week).  I was a peeing machine and the sheet soaking night sweats, helped rid my body of the excess water...the rest was likely just baby.  I nursed and bounced back to my pre-baby weight pretty easily.  Then we decided to wait to have more children, although we knew we wanted at least 3 kids, til Tom was done or almost done with college, as he decided to go back to school.

Then the worst thing that can happen, happened.  I lost my brother, he was in a terrible car accident and died suddenly at 23...there are simply NO words.  When I look at my life and what has happened in it there are reasons, not blame, not coincidence, but cause and effect type reasons.  His death had NO reason, not one that makes sense to me anyway.  It nearly killed my parents and I don't think they will ever be the same again...ever.  Such a traumatic event can't be bounced back from.  We all coped in different ways.

I took the life is short...'lets grow our family...why wait?!' approach.  Tom agreed.  Then came Caleb.  He was so wanted, beautiful, and true healing for our entire family.  I gained a normal amount of weight and before I got those last 10lbs off I found out I was expecting Luke!  But remember 'life's short-why wait?!'  I embraced it. 

Looking back I recognize that if I had something else to focus on, somewhere else to invest my energy I would never really have to deal with what was just under the surface.  The tremendous grief that would pop in for quick visits, cause chaos all around and leave like a thief in the night.  Frightening me and my poor husband.  I can still see the look on Tom's face... wanting to help but just not knowing what to do.  Hard, so hard.  Plus if I was focused on something like a pregnancy, a newborn, lack of sleep, nursing, raising 3 children under 5 who would judge me for not dealing with my grief.  I was just surviving. 

The farther you move from something, even if you know you will eventually have to deal with it, the less conquerable it seems.  (not sure if conquerable is a word but I hope your picking up what I am laying down.)  So it becomes like a monster lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on you, waiting to devour you, break you. 

This is how I have viewed my grief.  Be busy you wont have to deal if you are busy.  Run away from it... 

Then the crazy thing about kids is they grow.  They become more independent.   You can't hide behind them anymore.  So you "get involved".   If I am the 'worlds greatest hockey mom' then I can keep the monster at bay.  The more independent the kids get, the more you can 'focus on your career' or 'tackle that next orginazational project' or 'throw the best birthday party'.  If I can busy myself I can keep the monster at bay.  All the while stuffing him a little further down with any tasty treat I can get my hands on!  And now that I am so busy doing all of the afore mentioned duties, I definitley cannot deal with the monster or the extra pounds.  And as my rear end grows....so does the monster.

Oh dont get me wrong, I still live, I love, I have fun, I rejoice, I cry....but I never really deal...EVER.  And if my parents are around, well then I am strong.  Because as a parent myself, I can only imagine that the pain I feel, is magnified by 1000 for them.

So here I am almost 8 years later...with the monster about 20 times the size than it should be and overweight.  I have a BEAUTIFUL husband who loves me for me and never makes me feel gross or ugly. I do a darn good job of that myself.  But I need a change, I must change and that involves giving the monster a place in my life not just running...I don't think grief is an episode or a short lived thing, I think it is something that when dealt with properly can be a good thing.

So what does this have to do with Raising Good Husbands....everything.  They must learn there are better coping skills then the ones I have, they must learn that every action has a reaction, they must learn that grief can be a gift as is life. And that living life to its fullest doesn't meant dodging every scary bullet but rather taking it on head on.  Head on. 

So I am on a journey...I have had some minor success so far.  Hoping for a heck of a lot more. :) I have a plan for the pounds to go away.  I am working on the plan for the monster...   I am so scared of who I will become when I am on the other side of this journey.  I am even more frightened of what will happen if I give up...am I strong enough to tackle this?  I know I have an excellent support system and my Jesus.  That should be all I need.  I will do this and I can do this...but I know it won't be easy.

My husband is going to question why on earth would I put this on the internet for the world to see?  And no its not for you to stop me if you see me eating a cheeseburger...its so you can maybe tackle your monsters with me, stand up for wanting better, know your worth so much more than any vicious cycle you maybe in.  I am also doing this for my boys, I want to commit to making sure I am a healthy person who will be here for a LONG time.  Cause life is short and I dont want to wait anymore...its time to move forward, to take it all on...head on.

Luke's READY for Kindergarten

Yesterday Luke had his Kindergarten shots and 5 year well child exam.  Yes his birthday was in January and its now mid April, poor 3rd kid :)  He was nervous for the shots but took it like a trooper.  We have an AMAZING pediatrician and she has been ours for all three boys.  Her name is Dr Tillisch and she is kind, gentle, always smiling, and positive...she pretty much ROCKS!

Anyway here is how the day went.  Luke comes to work with me on Tuesdays, so on our way to work I informed him of the upcoming events of the afternoon.  He began to FREAK out.  We talked about it and he said he could probably do the shots IF I took him to Arby's for curly fries, thus begins the bribery.  I say no problem bud. 
He then starts the negotiation. 
Luke--"Mom IF I do not freak out, and IF I am really brave can you give me 10 monies (aka $10)" 
Me-"What do you need 10 monies for?"  
Luke-"Oh and then I will need you to take me to Target"
Me-"Luke is it for Lego's"
Luke-  "Of course mom, boys who are brave and who don't FREAK out with shots need monies for Lego's."
Me- "ok bud"  Honestly thinking, he will freak and I will say at least we went to Arbys :)

So when we arrive he seems unusually calm...he is weighed, measured, and his arm gets a hug (blood pressure)  THEN the nervous giggling begins, the fidgety silliness begins...He has his hearing checked and when he raises his arm to signal that he heard the beep, he forgets to put it down, creating a very confusing hearing test.  I realize he is so nervous he can't hold still.  So I say to him..."Honey if you FREAK out its ok, shots are scary but necessary."  He says his famous "Mom, I'm fine"  Then the eye test, he will definitely need glasses someday......

THEN  the piece de resistance...HE GOT TO PEE IN A CUP.  If you have a little boy you know this brings them a tremendous amount of joy.  Apparently my son watches a little too much Discovery Channel because  as I was helping him with this he says to me..."are we gonna have to drink it? You know like Bear on Man vs Wild?"  Oh Lord...I couldn't help but laugh it was in a cup after all...I quickly explained that we would not be drinking it!  That they would be examining some of it to make sure he was ok....He then said "Can I at least bring it home so my brothers can see it?"  Oh Lukey...I doubt they want to see it...So I said "That's DISGUSTING"  and we laughed...ALOT.

Then the exam, we giggled through that too.  Dr Tillisch and I giggled as we remembered when Tommy was in for his exam and how he screamed stranger danger when Dr Tillisch tried to examine his private area.  She had to explain what she was doing and that she was safe...guess I did an EXCELLENT job on training Tommy that no one touches his privates but him.  OOPS!!

Next the shots,  he did not cry, he did not FREAK, and he insisted on seeing the blood...oh my Lukey...I guess you are ready for Kindergarten.  Even though it doesn't start next week like you are insisting upon.  And yes we went to Target, remind me not to bet against you again :) 

I am sad that you will soon be a Kindergartner....but I will cope with that later!  LOVE YOU BUDDY! 

PS....no more Discovery Channel for you! :)  

Best Caleb quotes of the weekend :)

So we took the kiddos to the movie HOP this weekend.  If you haven't seen it, its cute and light hearted the kids really enjoyed it, Tom and I could of took it or left it :S  But the best part of the movie was afterwards when we were in the hallway waiting to gather everyone as we had my beautiful nieces Morgan and Kate with us.  We asked all the kids what their favorite part of the movie was...Caleb very loudly which I think is the only volume Caleb has, says "MOM--my favorite part was the FAT CHICK"  which if you've seen the movie it's a completely appropriate statement, but it definitely did create a few head turning jaw dropping looks...haha!!  Tom and I were rolling.  Here is a picture of the "Fat Chick" Caleb was talking about...you can note the size difference and there is a part in the movie where he plumps up even more...so funny.

Today after church we had a great lunch and then headed to the mall.  Caleb although he finished his lunch needed a pretzel.....he always needs a snack ;)  Anywho...there was a young boy around Caleb's age in the line in front of us.  He was acting up and his Dad had to physically move him, after he did this the little boy said "I HATE you!"  The Dad then proceeded to order his son exactly what he wanted.  Caleb was clearly appalled by this statement/action and again in his one toned Caleb voice said, "MOM--I would never say that to you and if I did, you would definitely NOT order me a pretzel, I would be big time busted."  The Dad kinda looked at Caleb with annoyance and agreement...You could almost read on the Dad's face, that Caleb had called him out and given him a bit of a parenting lesson.  I couldn't help but giggle and be immensely proud of my very sweet but LOUD little boy.   Here's what he reluctantly shared with his brothers :)  Never a dull moment my Caleb, NEVER :)

My Love for you is ENDLESS, my Patience is LIMITED!!

Oh Tommy...I think one of my favorite things to say to you right now is, "my love for you is endless but my patience is LIMITED!"  This may be shocking to you, my soon to be 11 year old son (May 6th), but I too once thought my parents were clueless, that if they could only see it from my perspective they would see that I was RIGHT!!  Now as I look back, I realize I was oh so WRONG!  Sorry Mom and Dad! :)  When you shake your head at me, mumble underneath your breathe, and slam doors...I honestly think I may have you move out by 12 maybe sooner.  Especially since you know so much, you could probably get yourself a job, clothe, feed, and shelter yourself WAAAAYYYY better than Dad and I could.  Wow I sooo sound like my Mom right now...again...I am so SORRY Mom and Dad!  The only thing is I dont remember thinking this at 10 almost 11 years old.  I swear I was at least 13/14 when I started thinking like that.  I am all for overacheiving but this my dear is not one of those situations. 

Thomas, you are such a good kid...usually :).... You are a tremendous help to your Dad and I.  You have a heart of gold and on your birthday this year I will blog about your exciting entrance into our family.  I know how hard it is to be the oldest and to have different expectations then younger siblings, but life is not easy or fair.  I want you to like me but I DO NOT want to be your friend.  I want to be your Mom.  SO if you dont like me right now, thats ok.  You'll like me later. ;)  Ask your Grandma and Grandpa about this.  Its more important that you love and respect me.  I refuse to reward mediocrity, I will not treat you for doing well in school, making your bed, and brushing your teeth.  Even if your friends parents do that, I will NOT.  That would be like someone paying me for driving and not getting in an accident, walking and not falling, cooking and not poisoning people.  You get to a certain point in life and good behavior and hard work is just expected, NOT REWARDED!  Rewarding mediocrity breeds entitlement, and honestly I think entitlement is one of the worst human qualities out there. 

On my mission for you to be a well adjusted, respectable, humble, human being, I want you to learn about self pride.  Doing something well only because someone is watching, waiting to reward you is not the kind of young man I want you to be.  But rather because its the right thing to do and you have enough pride in yourself to do things 110%.  That's the kind of young man I want you to be.  Do the right thing when no one is watching.  I know you are capable of this and am so proud of you when I see glimpse of this characteristic developing in you.

Son please know that I always have your back.  Every decision I make in regards to you is one I make out of love and truly knowing whats best for you.  Its true my love for you is ENDLESS.  And actually although my patience may feel limited at times, that too is endless.  I will never ever ever give up on you, EVER.  I am so proud of you and love you to the moon and back.  My heart and soul are filled with anxious anticipation of watching you grow and mature and become the young man, I know you can be.  OR ELSE...haha!  LOVE YOU THOMAS WYATT :) 

WHY ON EARTH AM I DOING THIS??

Some of you, especially my family, may ask "why, oh why, Rachel are you doing a blog?"  Well the simple answer is because it has been something I have been thinking about doing for over two years....I have learned so much about my mortality, more than any 33 year old mother of 3 should ever know.  And with that being said, if no one other than my children read this someday...I will be ok with that...but my children will need to read this...its going to give you alot of insight on becoming the man I whole heartidly pray you will be.  Its also going to be a fun way for me to chronicle some of the things we do as a family and some of the quirky things that make each of you, you. 

Another reason I wanted to do this is I am entering a new stage of motherhood, one that doesn't really get spoken about that much.  The stage where my kids are all in school, becoming more independent, learning to maneuver themselves in this big scary world, and starting to think they know way more than their Dad and I could ever know.  YIKES!!  Although maybe it does get talked about, but because I am just beginning this new adventure I haven't heard about it.  And I wanted to be a sounding board or a "don't do what I just did" kind of manual for other moms.  The changing diapers, nursing, naps, discipline, terrible twos and exhausting 3s are in my past...I passed that stage, although with what felt like a low C at times.  I would now give myself a high B :)  But this new chapter is uncharted territory...scary! 

Thomas Wyatt, Caleb William, and Luke Robert you are my whole world and my love for you is ridiculous.  Take heed to my advice or else...haha!!

Some things you will need to know if you choose to read, follow, or stop in and visit this blog....

#1  I type like I talk....so punctuation, grammar, and spelling are not my strong suit.  However, I promise to try.  But I need not get emails from the English police...Thank you very much! :)

#2  I live a less than perfect life.  I am full of mistakes and spassy reactions.  I am striving to live a transparent life.  I want to embrace my flaws and imperfections, they make me who I am. As well as try and change the things I recognize need changing.  My transparency can be very uneasy to others because there is a misconception that all imperfection is a sign of weakness...not to me :)  Its a sign of life and LIFE IS NOT PERFECT!  (that one's for you boys- cliche, yes- but oh so true!)    

#3 I imagine myself covering the hard topics not just the 'butterfly and rainbows' topics...we shall see how this goes.


So now that we have set the ground rules you may ask..."Why 'Raising Good Husbands'?" 

We all have goals in life...some financial, some spiritual, some physical ( I have these as well)...but one of my main objectives in life is... I want to RAISE GOOD HUSBANDS.  You see I don't have any girls, obviously.  I never thought I wanted one to be 100% honest. (I will get into that later)  But the thought of having my future daughter in laws hating me makes my skin crawl.  I dont want to be the evil mother in law that you dread to come visit at holidays.  I want you to say, I have an AMAZING husband because you did such a great job.  I never valued this until I met my amazing husband.  Do not get me wrong, he is NOT perfect :)  Sorry honey, your just perfect for me.  But he is loyal, loving, helpful around the house, the absolute best father a mother could ask for for her children, a leader, chivalrous, spiritual, passionate, and soooooooo much more.  That did not happen by accident...I am so grateful to my wonderful mother in law.  So with that being said..... 

Peggy,  Thank YOU!  For my beautiful inside/out husband and all you did to make him that way!  I know it wasn't always easy.  I love the stories :)  But the results...so worth it!  If I am only able to do half the job you were able to do, I will consider myself successful...I love you and am forever grateful.  Rachel


Of course there are reasons other than my future daughter in laws for me wanting to Raise Good Husbands.  But I will save that for another time.
Until next time, lets see where this crazy imperfect journey of Raising Good Husbands takes us......